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The Commandments of the Space Marines
1. Thou shalt not refer to the Adeptus Soritas as “Bolter Bitches,” nor shalt thou go anywhere near our sisters during the time of the “Red Rage,” lest thou wishes to be the first human to enter orbit without the aid of a shuttle.
2. Orks are not “cute.”
3. Thou shalt not make jokes about the Imperial Guard’s weapons.
4. Thou shalt not replace the Librarian’s staff with a magic wand.
5. Thou shalt not tip the Terminators over during battle.
6. Thou shalt not do Spock impersonations around Eldar.
7. C-3PO is not a Necron ambassador.
8. Thou shalt not dare others to eat Squigs.
9. No, you cannot “take the Titan for a spin.”
10. Thou shalt not use thy Multi-Meltas to light campfires. In a similar manner, thou shalt not use the Terminator Captain’s Chainfist to open tins of baked beans.
11. Thou shalt not bribe the Inquisitor to bring down Exterminatus on your ex-wife.
12. Thou shalt not refer to the Rhino transports as “pimp wagons,” nor shalt thou use the phrase, “If the Rhino be rockin, don’t come a knockin.”
13. The Chapter Master is not a “drag.”
14. Thou shalt not use Power Swords to cut your food.
15. Thou shalt not ask a Sister if you might “donate some of your own Gene-Seed.”
16. Thou shalt not throw soap at Nurglings.
17. Thou shalt not put a “kick me” sign on the Golden Throne.
18. Thou shalt not refer to the Machine Spirit as “cruise control.”
19. Thou shalt not stick a “Honk if you think I’m sexy” sticker on the Sister’s Rhino.
20. Thou shalt not honk if thy sees a sticker saying “Honk if you think I’m sexy” on a Sister’s Rhino.
21. Thou shalt not unplug the Golden Throne just “for laughs.”
22. Thou shalt not make the Emperor read your palms, or call upon him as “Miss Cleo.”
23. Melta bombs are not “fun in a box.”
24. Shooting one of your own men who looks at you funny does not count as an “enemy casualty.”
25. Thou shalt not clog the Lascannon tubes “just to see what happens.”
26. Thou shalt not spread cooking oil in front of Dreadnoughts.
27. Thou shalt not attempt to shake the Chaplain’s hand whilst wearing a Powerfist.
28. Putting sand inside the Terminators’ armour is not “funny.”
29. Thou shalt not refer to the Standard of Fortitude as a “walking stick.”
30. Thou shalt not refer to the Las-pistol as a “novelty cigarette lighter.”
31. The Earthshaker cannon is not a “hat stand,” nor is the Sentinel a “standard lamp.”
32. Thou shalt not use Land Raiders to “play chicken” with Imperial Guard Chimeras.
33. Thou shalt not put a “purge me” sign on the back of the Chaplain’s armour.
34. Thou shalt not compliment the Dark Eldar by calling them “kinky.”
35. Thou shalt not let an Ork be the designated driver.
36. Thou shalt not replace the holy unguents for the Machine Spirit with grain alcohol.
37. Thou shalt not invite Howling Banshees to karaoke night.
38. Thou shalt not replace the oxygen units on the Commander’s power armour with laughing gas.
39. Thou shalt not train a Hormagaunt to be a watchdog.
40. Thou shalt not take “old one eye” out of context… “He’s in my artificer armour he.he.duh!”  
41. Thou shalt not call the Dark Angels “hippie alter boys.”
42. Thou shalt not taunt the Eldar “gee didn’t these use to shoot further?”
43. Thou shalt not refer to the Golden Throne as “the nicest commode in the galaxy.”
44. Thou shalt not attempt to offer a Carnifex a breath mint.
45. Thou shalt not throw a Warp Beast a dog biscuit.
46. Thou shalt not hope for mud wrestling during a witch/Sister battle.
47. Thou shalt not ask a Warlock what he wears under his robe.
48. Thou shalt not tease an Inquisitor by saying “look sir - heretics!”
49. Thou shalt not play Whack-A-Mole with those little jawa-wannabe Dark Angel thingies.
50. Thou shalt not ask for oven mitts when issued a plasma gun.
51. Thou shalt not take the Rhino to procure monkish ale before filling out His Most Holy acquisitions forms.
52. Thou shalt not ask the Librarian if he has records concerning Uranus.
53. Thou shalt not refer to the Flamer as a “novelty toaster.”
54. Thou shalt not ask the Apothecary to guess what you have eaten by looking at your tongue.
55. Thou shalt not remove the motors from a Terminators’ suit during battle.
56. Thou shalt not laugh and point saying ”look somebody missed the toilet” when battling Snotlings.
57. Thou shalt not break wind in the presence of the Emperor (unless properly addressed to do so).
58. Eldar helmets may not be used as hole-punches.
59. Thou shalt not refer to the daily rituals as “psychological warfare,” nor shalt thou refer to the Index Astartes as “the book of grudges.”
60. Thou shalt not say “will someone please tell the Emperor to crap or get off the throne.”
61. Thou shalt not petition His Most Holy administration to make “Inquisition” an Olympic sport.
62. Thou shalt not instigate a “my Primarch could beat up your Primarch” debate.
63. Thou shalt not use heavy breathing and “I am your father” as a battlecry when wielding a Power Sword and entering an assault.
64. Thou shalt not affect a Transylvanian accent around the Blood Angels.
65. No hair pulling when enjoying brotherly contests with the Space Wolves.
66. Duct-taping a Flamer to your Bolter does not count as a combi-weapon, and painting it pretty won’t make it “master crafted.”
67. Thou shalt not punt Grots for pleasure.
68. Thou shalt not shout “thongs for the Thong God” in front of Dark Eldar lest thou wishes to learn the true meaning of pain.
69. Thou shalt not debate the protective merits of purple spandex with Dark Eldar.
70. Thou shalt not write theatre criticism and charge His Most Holy treasury to mail it to the Harlequin.
71. Power armour never makes a Sister look fat.
72. Thou shalt not laugh maniacally when flaming non-believers.
73. Thou shalt not use Thunderhammers to play croquet.
74. Thou shalt not start rounds of “you might be a C’tan if” while imbibing strong monkish ale.
75. Thou shalt not refer to thine brethren, whom the Emperor has dictated be armed with an incendiary weapon, as a “Flamer” constantly. For this has proven to lower morale and cause strife within His Most Holy showering facilities.
76. Thou shalt not affect an Austrian accent around Necrons.
77. Thou shalt not ask Roughriders if you can “pet their ponies.”
78. Thou shalt not stray from the Adeptus Mechanicus’ directive towards ornamentation of Rhinos - specifically, no aluminium sport rims, neon, extraneous exhaust pipes, or fuzzy dice.
79. Thou shalt not attempt to challenge the Eldar to games of “Counterstrike.”
80. Thou shalt not, in any way, shape, or form, take the Land Speeder joy riding.
81. Remember, shining Lasguns in the Guard’s eyes is WRONG.
82. Thou shalt not pretend to have been possessed by a Daemon.
83. Thou shalt not refer to the sacred plasma gunners of the Imperial Guard as “fizzbusters.”
84. Yes, it will be noticed if you “borrow” the Chapter Master’s equipment.
85. Thou shalt not use supported war hounds to “play ball” with Imperial Guard Sentinels.
86. Thou shalt not feed Grots copious amounts of narcotics.
87. It is not “funny” to dress up as a Bloodletter and jump out in front of the Chapter Master.
88. Replacing a brother’s ammunition with blanks is not “funny.”
89. Wiffle bats are not approved hand weapons.
90. Playing naughty movies in your Power armour’s auto senses is not sanctioned by the Adeptus Astartes.
91. Thou shalt not teleport into the Sister’s showering facilities.
92. Thou shalt not taunt our revered Dreadnought brethren by tapping on their window and saying “anyone in there?”
93. Thou shalt not commandeer drop pods to go for pizza.
94. Thou shalt not refer to the Emperor’s Champion as “that brown noser.”
95. Nuking from orbit is not doctrinally feasible for removal of annoying insects - unless they be Tyranids.
96. Thou shalt not tickle the fallen to press for confession and redemption.
97. Thou shalt not follow a Librarian around thinking “can you hear me now?”, repetitively in an attempt to drive him insane.
98. Thou shalt not refer to the Wulfen as “damn dirty apes.”
99. Thou shalt not use Whirlwinds to put on fireworks displays.
100. Thou shalt not ask Dark Angels if they “can keep a secret.”
101. Thou shalt not do "wheelies" or "donuts" on you bike.
102. Thou shalt not have a "kegger" on the eve of battle, thus making yourselves less effective on the morn.
103. Thou shalt not refer to the Almighty Emperor as "The Righteous Dead Dude."
104. Thou shalt not check to see if your bolt pistol is loaded by looking down the barrel.
105. Thou shalt not go on panty raids into Sister of Battle monasteries.
106. Thou shalt not use thy scope for anything outside of battle. Anyone caught using them to spy out life mates shalt lose privileges.
107. Thou shalt not sell thy extra organs on the Black Market.
108. Thou shalt not wave a fly swatter near the Tyranid fleets.
109. Thou shalt not use thine chainsword as a backscratcher.
110. Thou shalt not use thine pistol as a q-tip.
111. Thou shalt not attempt to imitate heathen noise marines with "heavy metal" or "death metal" through thine com-speakers.
112. Thou shalt not attempt to give a Tau a "high-five”.
113. Thou shalt not laugh at how small Imperial Guardsmen are.
114. Thou shalt not bend to the will of nerds playing war games, and act upon your own free will.
115. Thou shalt not feed the Orks.
116. Thou shalt not transmit images of unclothed Sisters through the Astropaths.
117. Thou shalt not advertise on thine armour.
118. Thou shalt not wave fake skulls at the Berserkers.
119. Thou shalt not wave a red flag near a Chaos Dreadnought.
120. Thou shalt not tape pictures to your armour.
121. Thou shalt not release spiders inside the Dreadnought.
122. Thou shalt not use thy bolter to kill bees.
123. Thou shalt not sniff warp fumes.
124. Thou shalt eat thou rations.
125. Thou shalt not steal thy commander’s dinner.
126. Thou shalt not “take the Predator for a walk.”
127. Thou shalt not use the Land Raider to “pick up chicks.”
128. Thou shalt beware of strange noise in back of thy Land Raider.
129. Thou shalt guard thy bolter when camping with Imperial Guard.
130. Thou shalt not use bug bombs against the Tyranids.
131. Thou shalt not play Internet games with Tzeentch.
132. Thou shalt not e-mail the Emperor.
133. Thou shalt not e-mail the Emperor spam.
134. Thou should beware of thy Lictor behind cardboard bushes.
135. Terminators and glue do not "mix."
136. Thou shalt not spray paint thy power armour to “make it look cool.”
137. Thou shalt not have water gun fights with lasguns (the guard needs them).
138. Thou shalt not juggle power weapons.
139. Thou shalt not hide video links in the Sisters of Battle's monastery.
140. Grenades are not “water balloons.”
141. Thou shalt not use insect repellent against Tyranids.
142. Thou shalt not use water guns against Necrons.
143. Daemons are not your “friends.”
144. Barney the Dinosaur is not your “friend.”
145. Barney is a heretic.
146. Barney merchandise is simply prohibited.
147. Barney is not a Tyranid.
148. Thou shalt not steal candy from babies/Orks/Gretchin/Commissars.
149. Thou shalt not play “Truth or Dare” with Sisters.
150. Thou shalt not play “Spin the Bottle” with Sisters.
151. Thou shalt not play “Hangman” with the Inquisitor or Berserker.
152. Thou shalt ignore strange voices in your head.
153. Thou shalt not put a cork in the Inquisitors pistol.
154. Thou shalt not use the Lasgun as a flashlight.
155. Thou shalt not hide the Land Raider in a lake.
156. The Land Raider is not a “hotel room.”
157. Shotguns are not “practice guns.”
158. Lasguns do not make cool disco lights for your party.
159. Pixie wings are not “jump packs.”
160. Thou shalt not attempt to kill Tyranids with Mortein.
161. Thou shalt not refer to Lasguns as “torches.”
162. Thou shalt not refer to the Imperial Guard as “spotlighters.”
163. Thou shalt not play “Murder in the dark” with captured Chaos forces.
164. Thou shalt not make fun of Chaos’ rusty Power Armour.
165. Thou shalt not give fairy wings to Eldar
166. Thou shalt not make liposuction jokes around Eldar.
167. Thou shalt not return books late.
168. Thou shalt not trade thine bike for a skateboard.
169. Thou shalt not ignore the Chaplain as he recites the tales of Spot the Dog.
170. Putting corks into the engines of a Land Speeder is not “funny.”
171. Darth Vader is not the son of Abaddon.
172. Thou shalt not stay awake after “lights out” unless expressly ordered.
173. Thou shalt not use the sentinel Powerlifter as a babe-magnet for the sisters.
174. Thou shalt not punch Imperial Guardsmen because “it makes a funny noise.”
175. Thou shalt not punch Imperial Guardsmen because “he started it.”
176. Thou shalt not get a Sister intoxicated for thy own pleasures.
177. The Dreadnaught is not "the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz”.
178. Thou shalt not sexually harass the servitors even if they won’t notice.
179. Thou shalt not smoke/inhale/inject illegal pharmaceuticals into thy holy body even though your advanced physiological structure could probably withstand the effects.
180. Thou shalt not put "Ecstasy" in the punch when Battle Sisters arrive for a formal meeting with the Chapter's Authorities.
181. Thou shalt not practice vampiric tendencies despite your urge to do so.
182. Thou shalt not howl when the Chapter Master bends over. (Full Moon Out Tonight!)
183. Thou shalt not comment on being a better shot then the Inquisitor.
184. The chaplain is not “too preachy.”
185. Thou shalt not gamble for Grots.
186. Thou shalt not smack the Sister’s butt and then wink at her.
187. The lab research Tyranids are not “emergency rations.”
188. Thou shalt not set fly strips outside your tent in a Tyranid war zone.
189. Thou shalt not wear Lord Commander Dante's Death Mask (or any Death Masks at all for that matter) on Halloween, any other masquerade parties or for fun, when not in battle.
190. Thou shalt not try to “see how much a Death Company marine can take” (physical and/or psychical).
191. Thou shalt not put "tags" on the Holy Shrouds and/or Banners or write on it in anyway at all.
192. Rico’s Roughnecks are not real.
193. Thou shalt not over-charge thou bike.
194. Thou shalt not use the over-charged engines for "drag-racing."
195. Thou shalt not have a Blood-party (as in tea-party) with Mephiston during battle.
196. Thou shalt not play "no blinking" with Mephiston.
197. Thou shalt not give Tycho an Ork for his Birthday (or any day at all for that matter, or speak him about Orks).
198. Thou shalt not release Morriar from his restrainment “for laughs.”
199. Thou shalt not ask the Sanguinary Priest for "something to drink."
200. Thou shalt not use thy Jump Packs to "fry your diner."
201. Thou shalt not use thy Jump Packs to get “KFC” or “Macca’s”.
202. Thou shalt not kill each other because "thou are the real Sanguinous".
203. Thou shalt not make wounds to resemble the wounds of thou mighty Primarch...the Chaplains paint these on your armour.
204. Thou shalt not make bunny-ears with thy fingers behind the Chaplain whilst he gives battle-orders.
205. Thou shalt not fake death in order to get blood from the Sanguinary Priests.
206. Thou shalt keep thou armour on, although thou might think thou are invincible, thou DO need thou armour.
207. Thou shalt not fall asleep whilst the Chaplain is in prayer.
208. Thou shalt not use thy weapons upon thyself, thou still can get hurt.
209. Thou shalt not jump out in front of the Rhino to get into the fight whilst still in motion
210. Thou shalt not try to "steal assaults” away from battle-brothers.
211. Thou shalt not mistake the Harlequin's Kiss for “some fruity clown prank.”
212. Thou shalt not light cigarettes near the Hellhounds.
213. Genestealers are not "trying to rob you of your denim trousers."
214. Thou shalt not call the firearms of the Imperial Guard “Sega Lock-Ons”.
215. Thou shalt not call the Adeptus Arbites “pigs” or “the filth”.
216. Thou shalt not place buckets of water over the Inquisitors door.
217. Inquisitors are not “Nigel no friends”
218. Thou shalt not use thine laser sight to blind Imperial Guard.
219. Thou shalt not remove the Imperial Guards power packs from their Lasguns while they are asleep.
220. Thou shalt not “play frisbee” with a Tau Shield Drone.
221. Remember, a Primarch is for life, not for Christmas.
222. Thou shalt not put fridge magnets on thy power armour (Even if you have been to Cornwall).
223. Thou shalt not put bananas in the commander's rhino's exhaust pipes.
224. Thou shalt not hang "Pine Fresh" on Morriar.
225. Scented Pine Trees hanging off Rear Vision mirrors in favour of the Dice is now prohibited.
226. Thou shalt not offer to clean the sister's armour whilst they change.
227. Thou shalt remove the batteries from weapons to put in your RC toys.
228. Thou shalt not play "I see, I see what you don't see" over the intercom during battles.
229. Thou shalt not "go out to get cigarettes" during prayers.
230. Thou shalt not make remarks about the physical appearance of Sisters.
231. Thou shalt not participate in any intoxication (i.e. alcohol) contests with Imperial Guards.
232. Thou shalt not ask a Sister if her armour isn't too small.
233. Thou shalt not ask a Sister about her age.
234. “No” means “No”.
235. Thou shalt not make cat-sounds when Sisters argue.
236. Thou shalt not refer to Sister Supreme as “Mistress.”
237. Thou shalt not refer to Ork Dreadnoughts as “garbage bins.”
238. Thou shalt not make funny noises during a speech/prayer.
239. Thou shalt not play “shooting range" with Gretchen’s.
240. Thou shalt not brag about how many you've killed with a Dark Eldar.
241. Thou shalt not write or "put tags" on vehicles and/or armour.
242. Thou shalt not use Servitors to catch your paper.
243. Thou shalt not yell “catfight!” when Sisters argue.
244. Thou shalt not press the buttons in a demolisher tank.
245. Thou shalt not hum cartoon theme songs when around the Tau (like Smurfs).
246. Thou shalt not refuse the Sisters your chocolate rations, especially during the time of their "Red rage".
247. Thou shalt never refer to the size of a Sisters rear armour.
248. Thou shalt always offer to rub a Sisters feet after battle. I need not explain why.
249. Universal remote controls do not work on Necrons.
250. Thou shalt not offer to sell your soul to the Dark Eldar for beer money.
251. Thou shalt never ask a Daemonette for some "handiwork", else though will have to join the Sisters.
252. Thou shalt not remind your commander how many times he has been slain by the badly coloured Tyranid.
253. Thou shalt leave the plasma gun well and truly alone.
254. Thou shalt not play Russian roulette with automatic weapons.
255. Thou shalt not shave the Space Wolves while they are asleep.
256. Thou shalt not laugh at the cultist.
257. Thou shalt not say “beware of bird poo” when a Greater Daemon of Tzeentch is around.
258. Thou shalt not waste thy 15 minutes free time trying to get laid.
259. Thou shalt not stare at thy feet during the battle march.
260. Thou shalt not challenge a Daemon Prince to a fist fight.
261. Lord Login is not "Wolfie".
262. Seraphims do not want to "join the Mile High Club".
263. Spiky bits are not "meant for hanging laundry on."
264. Ultra scout is not "little boy blue".
265. Thou shalt not refer to the Canoness as "big momma".
266. Thou shalt not nail Nurglings to the back of the rhino as fuzzy decorations.
267. Thou shalt not put itching powder in a Dreadnought.
268. Thou shalt not wink suggestively at Daemonettes.
269. Thou shalt not use can openers on Ork Dreadnoughts.
270. Thou shalt not replace the Commissars' comm-link with a plasma grenade “for laughs.”
271. Thou shalt not refer to Armoured Companies as “agorophobes.”
272. Thou shalt not ask Techmarines to put mag wheels on your bike.
273. Thou shalt not use a looted Terrorfex on Halloween.
274. Thou shalt not spike drinks with Sanguinius’ blood.
275. Thou shalt not step on Guardsmen and then say “I didn't see them.”
276. Thou shalt not refer to Paul Sawyer as "The Great Unclean One."
277. Thou shalt not call a Dark Angel "Jessica Alba."
278. Thou shalt not give a Sister of Battle breast implants.
279. Thou shalt not ask a Sister whether those “guns” are real or not.
280. Thou shalt not overheat a plasma gun for a college prank.
281. Thou shalt not give the Death Company caffeine.
282. Thou shalt not insult a Thousand Son about his penis.
283. Thou shalt not taunt a Space Wolf with a piece of steak.
284. Thou shalt not say that “a Grot Blasta is a Lasgun, only the Orks admit it is crappy.”
285. Thou shalt not overcook thine Pentium and use it as a plasma weapon.
286. Thou shalt not attempt to steal Tau pulse rifles "to give to the poor Guardsmen."
287. Thou shalt not moon the Tau in combat. They are good shots.
288. Thou shalt not attempt to "borrow" Tau stealth suits so that you might spy on the sisters in their quarters.
289. Thou shalt not attempt to rebuild a Necron as a washing machine.
290. Thou shalt not try to change the batteries on a Scarab.
291. Thou shalt not use the Blades of Reason to trim thy fingernails.
292. Thou shalt not ask the Sisters whether it's “dyed or real.”
293. Thou shalt not use the Hellhound to cook thy rations.
294. Thou shalt not use thy power armour’s vid-link to prank call the Imperial Guard storm troopers.
295. Sneaking up on Grey Knights and yelling "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD" is not “funny.”
296. Thou shalt not refer to the Leman Russ as a “kettle.”
297. Thou shalt not attempt to empty your waste-paper basket into an Ork Dreadnought.
298. Thou shalt not refer to the Rhino as a "Clown Car.”
299. Thou shalt not use blind grenades to sneak into the Sister's encampment.
300. Thou shalt not mention the name "Buffy" when near the Blood Angels.
301. Thou shalt not use Necron Scarabs as "Boogie Boards".
302. Thou shalt not call Harlequins “psychedelic,” nor “groovy.”
303. Thou shalt not show an army of Orks more than two Harlequins at once.
304. Thou shalt not laugh at the Laughing God.
305. Thou shalt not play “Hide and Seek” with Librarians or Inquisitors.
306. Thou shalt not play “tag” with Gaunts.
307. Thou shalt not tie power armour laces together.
308. Thou shalt not say "resistance is futile" to the Adeptus Mechanicus.
309. Thou shalt not criticize the “paper boys” in the Adeptus Administratum.
310. Thou shalt not sell chapter property (e.g. battle barge, fortress monastery) on eBay.
311. Thou shalt not "entertain" The Adeptus Sororitas in your billet.
312. Thou shalt not refer to Imperial Guardsmen as "cannon fodder".
313. The Imperial Guard Colonel did not “visit a fancy-dress shop.”
314. Thou shalt not use Lasguns to carve your name into the Land Raider's/ Predator's/ Rhino's/ Razorback's/ Leman Russ's/ Titan's armour plating.
315. Thou shalt not assume that because you can take a bolter hit in the head, the Guardsman over there can too.
316. Thou shalt not use Tau shoulder pads as padding in games of cricket.
317. Thou shalt not hide the keys to the battle barge.
318. Thou shalt not refer to Ork Dreadnoughts/Killer Kans as "R2-D2's big brother".
319. Thou shalt not threaten thy enemy with a "plasma enema" and thou shalt not carry out the act.
320. Thou shalt not flirt with Howling Banshees. They are the enemy.
321. Thou shalt not date Dark Eldar Wyches. They are the enemy too.
322. Thou shalt not steal the Battle Sisters makeup.
323. Thou shalt not try on the Battle Sisters armour to see if it compares to your own.
324. Thou shalt not make fun of Warp Spiders guns.
325. Thou shalt not perform dare devil stunts in the Rhino. Especially if thine brethren are in the back.
326. Thou shalt not hijack the Battle Sisters Immolator. Especially if there are any Battle Sisters still on board.
327. Thou shalt not add bits to thine armour to try to pass thine self off as a Battle Sister.
328. Thou shalt not try to dance with Howling Banshees on the field of battle.
329. Thou shalt not throw sticks for the Space Wolves.
330. Thou shalt not play “fetch” with the Space Wolf Commanders “pet” Fenrisson Wolves.
331. Thou shalt not challenge a Carnifex to a game of “catch”.
332. Thou shalt not attempt to tie a Wraithlords laces together (they don't have any).
333. Thou shalt not call a Battle Sister “babe.”
334. Thou shalt not be envious of the Guard unit who art friends to the Sister Famulous.
335. Thou shalt not steal the Tau pulse rifles, even if they are better than bolters.
336. Thou shalt not ask thy Battle Sister if they would like to "slip into something more comfortable."
337. The Hellhound is not “something you put on a leash and take for walkies.”
338. Thou shalt not arm wrestle with Tactical Dreadnoughts.
339. Thou shalt not watch whilst the Battle Sisters change out of their power armour.
340. Ork Warbosses are not “toys.”
341. Thou shalt not slice three toes off each foot of the Tau to “see how well they walk.”
342. Thou shalt not relieve thy self behind a tree during battle.
343. Thou shalt not go to thy great Emperor and make him "perform an illegal operation and be shut down."
344. Thou shalt not wrestle thy battle sisters and try to "pin them down".
345. The Iron Halo is not a “toy.”
346. A tank is not a “toy.”
347. A Dreadnought is not a “toy.”
348. Thou shalt not jump on the back of a Dreadnought in battle to “see how long you can stay on.”
349. Thou shalt not “play toy soldiers” with Imperial Guardsmen.
350. The Space Hulk is not a "wrestler."
351. Spiky bitz are not “cool.”
352. Khorne is a Chaos God, not a food.
353. Thou shalt not use power claws as scissors.
354. Thou shalt not use power armour power points to plug in thy Game Boy.
355. Thou shalt not use Hellion Skyboards to impress the sisters.
356. Thou shalt not place a flashing light on top of the Rhino so that it is “easier to find in the car park.”
357. If showing a Tau how your bolt gun works, thou shalt not give it to him the wrong way round.
358. A Necron is not a “Mecano kit.”
359. Nurglings are not “over date.”
I didn't actually come up with these, as my knowledge of the Imperium is limited, but they are good so enjoy!
Add a Comment:
Ivangorbow Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
The Necrons are a genocidal race, and the Austrian accent comment is a guarded reference to Hitler. I think it was pretty clever, to tell the truth.
khaos-gurl Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
To funny. :D
NeotheJackel Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2010
192 :( What thats not what my dad told me ater th movie was over! Great list fave!
TehBystander Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2010
Dr. Spock thinks this is logically, an epic win.
Top-Gun5391 Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2009
They didn't say anything about putting a kick me sign on the back of a Dreadnought. That would be very stupid though.....
Ritualist Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
freaking awesome!!! I love those with sisters of battle the most. too bad there ain't more tau rules.

nice job, anyway. :thumbsup:
ungulateman Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2008   Digital Artist
Saguinius Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2008
My absolute favourite is Number 97. Thou shalt not follow a Librarian around thinking “can you hear me now?”, repetitively in an attempt to drive him insane.
I must fav this.
L33tBr33d Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2008  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is beyond hilarious. A must have for my favorites.
LoLmuffin123 Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2008
Thats hallarios..and i havent finished reading it yet!
Sbags Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2007
:XD: these are fantastic, mind if i put some in my sig? :)
trojanwolf Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2007
Go for it.
DJ-Anarchy Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2007  Hobbyist Interface Designer
Genius! Pure genius!
EmperorBassexe Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2007
... nor is Khorne a form of hotdog, nor is he a form of breakfast cerial with the word 'flakes' on the end.
trojanwolf Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2007
He's not? :tears:
Purugun Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2007
I think 76 is about Arnie (shwartzanegger - cant spell). Absalutely brilliant and i havn't read them all
trojanwolf Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2007
Ah, it's a Terminator thing then.
Purugun Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2007
I think so ... its funny anyway
Alexnder Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2007  Hobbyist Artist
144. Barney the Dinosaur is not your “friend.”
145. Barney is a heretic.
146. Barney merchandise is simply prohibited.
147. Barney is not a Tyranid.
wher did u get these?
trojanwolf Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2007
I can't remember where I got them actually, but if you google search "warhammer 40k humour" you'll probably find something along these lines.
fmshobojoe Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2007
incredible!!!!!!!This is going to be the best literary in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LordDrakon Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2007
Scourge Marines always find loop holes...the commandments said nothing about hiding the teleport homer under the sisters bunks, or using tau drones or necron scarabs as vid cams!!
trojanwolf Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2007
I'll have to remember that!
strongwolf13 Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2006
Legend! That was hilarious! I used to play 40K, and that's one of the best bits of comedy writing for it I've ever seen!

trojanwolf Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2006
Now I wish I did write it :stupidme:.
trojanwolf Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2006
Oh yeah, just if anyone knows what commandment 76 is about please tell me.
lorthazar Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Necron warriors look like the Terminator T-100 skeleton
trojanwolf Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2008
Thanks for that. I just didn't get it.
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